Water and Fire~Chapter 53.1: A Fresh Start

 

Chapter 53.1: A Fresh Start

The moonlight shone on Chu Qianmiao's face. She mustered her courage, looked up, and told Ren Yan:

"I love you."

With a surge of courage, she finally managed to utter these words. She waited anxiously for Ren Yan's response.

But for a moment, she saw a look of sadness on Ren Yan's face.

Then he said:

"Sorry, we're not a good match."

It took Chu Qianmiao three seconds to go from anticipation to disappointment. From disappointment to struggling to steel herself, it took a full three minutes.

Currently, she and Ren Yan were sitting in a café at the entrance of the residential complex. Ren Yan ordered her a hot latte. She held the scalding cup, feeling her eyes warm.

She composed herself, then smiled and asked Ren Yan, "Senior, what do you think is wrong with us?"

Ren Yan told her it was because I'm a non-marriage advocate.

He solemnly told her, "I won't get married, and of course I won't have children."

Chu Qianmiao asked why he didn't want to, and she thought marriage wasn't a big deal, and children were adorable.

She figured someone who loved Miaomiao so much must be deeply loving and would love children.

Ren Yan clearly explained that if a couple wronged their partner, one person could initiate the breakup and the separation could be finalized. But for a married couple, divorce is a two-person affair. Therefore, marriage is far too complicated. No one in this world can guarantee a lifetime of responsibility for themselves, let alone for others. So, naturally, no one can guarantee a lifetime of responsibility for others. Why would two people who can't be responsible for themselves or others enter into the shackles of marriage?

Chu Qianmiao disagreed with this absolute statement. She asked Ren Yan why people couldn't guarantee a lifetime of responsibility for themselves. "I can do it!"

Ren Yan shook his head and told her, "No, you can't."

He also wondered if you, struggling in the middle of the night between wanting a piece of cake and not wanting it, ultimately chose to eat. Did you wake up in the morning, your alarm ringing, and tell yourself you'd be up in five minutes, only to find fifteen minutes had already passed? Everyone makes excuses. Without excuses, we're all responsible for ourselves, but without excuses, you're also deceiving yourself. We're all inherently evasive, evading responsibility and the reality that we can't take responsibility.

"So, can you accept not getting married?" Ren Yan suddenly asked Chu Qianmiao.

Chu Qianmiao bit her lower lip, thinking for a moment that if she agreed to it anyway, maybe he could change in the future. "I can give it a try. It's not like I can't."

Ren Yan smiled.

"No, you can't," he smiled, shaking his head. "Obviously. Even when I told you why I didn't get married, you didn't really agree with me."

Ren Yan smiled again, his smile tinged with both amusement and self-mockery.

With that smile, he resolved to ruthlessly sever their ties, using a sufficiently plausible excuse.

"Many people who date non-marriageists claim to accept the concept of non-marriage. But they're lying. They've never truly embraced the idea of ​​non-marriage. They wishfully believe that they can just keep dating, and as feelings deepen, they'll naturally change the other person. Once the relationship is strong, they'll propose marriage, threatening to break up if they refuse. By then, the non-marriageist will inevitably give in, reluctant to let go. Many people try to get along with non-marriageists with this in mind, but it's undoubtedly a form of emotional and moral coercion. The foundation of a relationship is genuine acceptance and respect for each other's ideals, not stalling tactics."

Chu Qianmiao was speechless. She gripped the coffee cup, her palms burning, her heart cold. Her usual sharp tongue was useless now, and she felt like a mute.

She even felt a little ashamed of her earlier thought, "Maybe the future will change him."

She thought, well, what made her think she could change others?

And what about herself? Would she accept the idea of ​​not getting married?

Dating for a lifetime without marriage or children meant she wouldn't have to take on too much responsibility for the other person, only herself. If she wanted to break up, she could do it alone, without having to go to court when the other person disagreed. When she was old and no longer attractive, if the other person changed their mind, he might still be able to find a younger woman to have children with, but she probably wouldn't even be able to ovulate. She could only smile at her dry skin in the mirror and say, "It's okay, I can live a wonderful life alone, I can be strong, keep going."

No, she couldn't do that. She needed marriage, children, and a mutually responsible companionship.

After all, they were on two different paths. They had met along the way, but they couldn't walk together in the same direction.

She thought Ren Yan was actually a good person. He didn't want to get married, so he wasn't into casual relationships.

She had to thank him for his clear and concise rejection, which hadn't delayed her.

"Senior," she said with a smile, "can I ask you one more question?" After tonight, they would go their separate ways. Let her indulge herself a little more.

"Ask," Ren Yan said, looking at her.

"Senior, why are you not getting married?" Is it because your parents' relationship is strained and they're irresponsible to each other, and you've been through a lot, deeply loved someone, but that person let you down, or you let her down, and since then you've lost confidence in yourself and your ability to take responsibility in marriage? If there's such a person, is she Li Tang? Or is it something else?

Ren Yan pondered for a moment, then told her, "This isn't a matter between you and me. Sorry, I don't want to answer."

Then he called her.

"Qian Miao."

This was the first time he'd addressed her without her given name.

She softly replied, "Ah."

He said, "We're not suitable." After a pause, he added, "Tan Shen and you aren't suitable either. He doesn't seem loyal enough."

Chu Qianmiao smiled at him. She wasn't sure if she harbored even a hint of ambition. She told him, "Whether Tan Shen is right for me or not isn't a question between you and me."

She saw a flicker of sadness in Ren Yan's eyes. She suddenly wondered if she was being too nitpicky.

But he didn't argue with her. He seemed to treat her like a sullen child. He even soothed her, "Even though we can't be lovers, you're still my junior. I'll still help you and teach you in the future."

Chu Qianmiao felt a pang of pain in her heart, her eyes, and her nose. She gulped down her coffee, not caring that it was still hot.

Then she pushed her coffee cup away and smiled, a brilliant smile. "Senior, please don't be so nice to me in the future, that special kind of nice. Don't make me feel like I'm different from others, that you think I'm different. It'll make me think too much, but you've made me think too much, and you and I aren't right for each other, and that's going to make me feel really bad."

She finished her words with a smile, then rummaged through her bag, found the brooch, placed it on the table, and pushed it toward Ren Yan, saying, "Senior, I'm giving this back to you. Keep it for your future girlfriend."

Ren Yan didn't move, just staring at her, watching her beaming face.

Through her own brilliant smile, she said, "Senior, you know what? I've only confessed my love twice in my entire life, both times to the same person, and both times I was rejected."

Ren Yan raised an eyebrow.

"Twice," he asked.

Chu Qianmiao's smile was almost gone. "You've forgotten me. Of course you don't."

Ren Yan's lips moved as if he wanted to say something, but he didn't.

Before her radiant smile could fade, she stood up and said goodbye to Ren Yan.

It wasn't just a farewell tonight, it was a farewell to the entire menu of life.

"Senior, then, on my menu, I'm completely removing your dish. I wish you happiness and that all your wishes come true. Goodbye, senior."

It started to rain on Ren Yan's way home. The late August rain fell with such ferocity that it seemed to sweep away the remnants of summer from every corner of the city, forcing a farewell to the passing solar term. The rain seemed to strike at the heart of the person, forcing a farewell to the past self.

Ren Yan didn't know how he'd managed to drive tonight. In the rain, he'd run over the curb, knocked down the road barrier, and scraped the undercarriage. Fortunately, the airbag dutifully deployed, and he was fine.

Standing in the icy downpour, he called a tow truck and took a taxi home. After returning home and changing his clothes, he settled into a rocking chair by the window, watching the heavy rain pour outside. He raised his hand and repeatedly tapped his chest, trying to soothe the dull ache.

He thought it was fine, just a dull ache, nothing like a piercing pain. But he still couldn't sleep for most of the night.